Friday, 25 May 2012

what is my life?

There is a perennial question that circulates on some social media platforms (most notably, in my experience, Tumblr). It usually comes up when someone realizes how utterly mundane their existence is, or starts to think about the fact that it mostly centers around a small metal device that is magically linked to the rest of the world via an unknowable force that most of us don't even want to understand because that would take all the fun out of it.

What is my life?
What am I doing?
What I don't even i can't why what is this asdfjkl;

I'm quite sure that, many years from now, anthropologists will be studying the ancient data records that are left from that archaic, oh-so-quaint institution called the internet, they will discover this trove of introspective questioning and they will come to the conclusion that precisely 90% of the human population during the early 21rst century were not at all sure what their lives were actually about. (The other 10%, of course, are convinced that the answer to this question somehow, inexplicably, lies embedded in the number '42'.)

I think all of us do this at some time or another. We have to ask, maybe with our faces tipped toward heaven, what exactly our lives are for. Why am I here, God? Why am I here, in America, and not somewhere else? Why am I this and not that? Why was I lucky enough to be born into this family? Why was I unlucky enough to be born into this train wreck that outsiders call a family? What is my life about? What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do with this time? What, why, who, when, how?

This is a human trait. The future is one of those nebulous, annoying concepts that we can't ever quite wrap our heads around, kind of like the vastness of the world or the fact that the universe has no edge or that just the idea of God is too big for us to express in proper, easy human words. So we ask questions to compensate for the fact that we don't have any answers, and those questions can easily consume us.

I'm a senior this year. I've officially graduated from high school. My life as a child is, for all intents and purposes, over. In the eyes of the world, I am now an adult, or close enough to it that I've got to act like I am. And I'm surrounded by a world that, let's face it, doesn't make a whit of sense. So faced with all this, these decisions that are being thrown at me, the ideas and concepts I've got to grapple with, the question of my future and what I want to do with my life, I find myself asking, 'what is my life?'

God, what is my purpose?
What am I supposed to do?
Where am I supposed to go?

Perhaps, as I said, this is natural. I've never been good with the future, with deciding what I'm supposed to do. I worry too much for it to be easy. What if I don't get funds for this? What if this doesn't happen? What if I don't get to do this? What if, what if.

But the great thing about God is that he's not a what-if God. There are no 'ifs' with him. I highly doubt that he's ever looked down at one of us, his precious creations, and said, "well, I don't know what you're going to do. You're on your own. We'll see how this works. What if you fail? Oh well, stinks for you."
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. - Jeremiah 29:11-13 
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee shall not slumber. - Psalm 121:3 
A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. - Proverbs 16:9 
Thus sayeth the Lord, thy Reedeemer... I am the Lord thy God... which leadeth thee by the way that thou shouldest go. - Isaiah 48:19 
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delights in his way. - Psalm 37:23
Our lives may not make sense to us. In fact, looking ahead, it can be downright frightening. But we've got a God who's bigger than anything else, even than our future. We are the apple of his eye, the beautiful creatures he designed to complement and live within his wonderful creation. He has a plan, and he sits on the throne.

So to answer our original question: what is my life? What am I doing? What am I supposed to do?
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. - Romans 12:1
Simply put, God is the one who holds power. As his daughters, saved by his grace, we should present our lives to him. After all, he died for us. What a small thing, in comparison.

What is my life?
It his His.


  1. Great post, Kyla. I've been there too, as I'm sure we all have at some stage or another.

    "What if.....?" My answer: "But God!"

    He Is Faithful!

  2. I love your conclusion of this. Many times when we hear "the will of God" we think of something mystical and vague, but the truth is, His will is for us to keep doing what's right and growing in sanctification, and everything really does fall into place. It's an amazing thing to be a Christin because it means that no matter what place in life I'm at, I have purpose and hope.

    1. Exactly. So many times, we think of God as some impossibly distant sort of grandfather figure, and while he is distant and impossibly vast and our minds can't begin to comprehend all that he is, he's managed to give us little glimpses of himself, glimpses that we can put together and marvel at, because even those glimpses are so incredibly huge and amazing that they stagger the imagination. But with those little glimpses, we can understand his will and all that he has for us...and I just love God, and I could go on and on, so I'll quit rambling. :D

  3. Fantastic post, Kyla! This is just where I am right now. I need to take a deep breath, listen to those thoughts of peace and not of evil to give me a future and a hope,and sacrifice this evening to the Lord.

    Thank you,


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...