Thursday, 21 February 2013

but i'm all by myself

I'm sure we've all experienced it at one time or another. I know I have--many times. All at once, for no apparent reason, it feels like this huge ocean has opened up around me and I'm all by myself. No matter how trivial the happening that prompted the feeling--it could be something as simple as a word misplaced, or a sudden reminder of the fact that I don't know what it's like to be in a classroom...and just that quick, I feel so horribly, desperately alone.

It might not even arise from the fact that I'm homeschooled or that I have a big family. It could just be that I'm a Christian and, just once, one of the people I know makes a comment that I know is wrong, or that is disparaging towards my faith...and boom, I'm outside the "circle" again. Feeling lonely is never quite comfortable. No matter who it's around, or if feeling left out isn't particularly a bad thing, it's not a nice feeling. It's a human thing, I suppose: we want to belong somewhere, to know that people like us. And when we feel as if they don't, as if we have no place in the world around us, it gets quite uncomfortable very quick.

There's a verse I teach to kids in the after-school programs I teach. Hebrews 13:5 is a promise from God to those who have believed in Him. "He has said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Though the world is crazy, though the people around us may not be welcoming, though we may feel lonely, we have a friend who is greater than any of them, who sticks closer than a family member, who will never leave us, whose arms are always open to receive us. You are never alone, you are never forgotten. He is always with you.


  1. I can so relate to this post. I too was homeschooled and had the awkward moments when talking with other people my age.

    My mind was always on spiritual things because my family and I were going through very difficult trials. I was dealing with issues of life and death while my friends were worried about driver's licenses, boy bands, and boyfriends.

    Be strong. God sees your heart and He is close to the broken hearted. You are set apart for a reason. Keep trusting Him and have verses He lays on your heart ready as a shield against the enemy's arrows.

    Blessings and endurance to you!

  2. Just lately I've been feeling very alone. When I was in the public schools, days just run by in a routine way as you pass the years with people, even if they aren't your friends. I never had much of a social life then but being in a busy environment of people kept me frome thinking about other things. Since I've been homeschooled, I've changed a lot and matured. My dream is no longer about some future guy but about becoming a woman after God's own heart. Everday I try to grow to become the woman God wants me to be. It's a busy task, and one that not many 16 year olds are embarking upon. Left to my friends in church (since I didn't stay in contact with public school friends) I feel as though I've changed a lot in interests, thinking style, and so much more to the point that they don't have many of the same interests (things like books and superficial stuff). The great part about being part of God's family is that we have something deeper to cross the barrier of superficial interests and that something great is obviously God! It's still nice, though, to have common interests in things.
    However, I'm not incredibly great at keeping up friendships since I don't like to communicate much over technology (texting and fb) which is almost all people do these days. To this day I feel that my closest friends are the ones from when I was 3 and 4 that I grew up with. I haven't talked to some of them in a year or so and have begun to miss them incredibly. I feel myself drifting outside of my church friends as they make memories and laugh and talk about things I don't care about as much (like boys, though I guarantee you I am interested in them just I know I have a bit farther to mature in my faith before pursuing men). I feel like I'm missing someone that is interested in what I am but more importantly that knows me as I am now and that I could have a deep relationship with that we could help each other grow in our walk with God.
    Being homeschooled, I have lots of time to think about things like this, and there are times where I feel so alone in this worldly world. It doesn't help that I can't do any activities right now since my parents won't let me (not harping on them here at all because I understand their viewpoint). So for the first time in years, I feel completely and utterly alone as though there is no one like me and I can't reveal the true me because the friends I have wouldn't understand it or it wouldn't have as deep a meaning.
    I am incredibly thankful that God led me to find this blog though as it has really encouraged me to become more and more God's. I know I'm new here at this blog, but I guess I was hoping to find friends in a group of Christian homeschool girls. Thanks for doing this blog. I know we are all a little unconnected from you since communicating is over typed words rather than spoken, but know that we are here and you are not alone. I know there is a large community of Christian homeschool girls that seek God with all their heart, we just need to find each other and build friendships.

    1. Thank you so much for commenting, Bethany! You're right--there are so many of us in your situation. We're separate from the world and from each other, but at the same time we're all together, sisters in Christ.

      I'm not involved in many activities right now, and sometimes bemoan the scarcity of friends, but have discovered that you have to be proactive in friendships. I'm very reserved and introverted by nature, so that's not my way of working most of the time, but recently I've tried reaching out to others--even those who are outside my "circle."

      If you haven't read it already, you might check out my post "Top 5 Tips for Making Friends" ( Let me know if it helps!

      God bless <3

  3. What a beautiful post, Kyla. Thank you so much for being real, vulnerable, and encouraging as always.

  4. This was a great post Kyla! As Abby said, your willingness to be vulnerable and real was a blessing. I know this is an area that I have struggled/surrendered to Christ many times. As Christians, stay-at-home daughters, homeschoolers and whatever else separates us from the world, it can be challenging not to feel lonely. But as you mentioned, He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. He is our everything!

    Thank you! :)


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