I started this post months ago, and just now have the time and revelation to finish it.
This evening I was in the bathroom with my puppy Reagan. I was washing my hands while she was on the floor, and she walked over to the toilet. Now, Reagan is a sweetheart, and she loves to give kisses. So as soon as she walked over I knew what she was going for. Sure enough before I got to her she licked the side of the toilet a few times. I promptly scooped her up and she started licking me! Somehow her kisses did not seem so sweet, and were rather off putting because I knew she had just been kissing the toilet! I started thinking about how often I do the same thing to God. I defile my lips and being by "kissing the toilet" myself. I give praise to things I shouldn't give praise to, I say things I shouldn't say, I give my time to things I shouldn't give my time to, I meditate on things I shouldn't meditate on. I watch, listen to, read and write things I shouldn't. I give my being and my love to so many distractions of the world. And then I so quickly turn around to God and start giving Him my kisses. And somehow, He still loves them.
I vowed to save my first kiss for the alter, because I didn't want to defile my lips before God*. Yet how often do I freely give my kisses to the toilet? I also wanted my first kiss to be special, and to be a gift I saved and treasured for my future husband at the alter. But how often do I freely kiss idols, and then expect my kisses to God to be special and a treasured gift I saved for Him?
To be holy for Him, and wholly for Him, is what I desire. I desire to know no other than Him, to "not even let their names be found on my lips."** I want to be so in love with Yeshua that none other compares, and that none other can hold my attention for even a moment. I want to be so captivated by His beauty that I never look away, never once to turn my gaze. I want to be wholly His.
What's it to be to know only Him? What's it like to never look away? What do the angels in the throne room feeling after an eternity of His presence? What do the Elders feel after the thousandth casting of the crowns? That's what I long to know. Jesus for eternity.
*This was something I felt called to, but I don't believe it is for everyone. I do not believe anyone who has kissed a guy before the alter has defiled their lips! I just believe for me, as one who is called not to, that to do so would be to forfeit God's best in that area.
**Exodus 23:13, "Pay attention to all that I have said to you, and make no mention of the names of other gods, nor let it be heard on your lips."